1) Don't stand on the trapdoor.
2) Always check the rope first.
3) Have a backup plan.
4) Remember, you are the hero. You most likely will not die, and almost definitely will not lose.
5) Bring extra guns.
6) Make sure you have everything before you set off on the mission.
7) Try not to be the hero's best friend. You will die eventually.
8) If the best friend doesn't die, the family will.
9) Never say, "Don't panic."
10) You could always just tell the police where the stones are.
*Stopping when they tell you is for wimps.
1) Never trust anyone with the riches of a kingdom.
2) Always check the depth of the water before you dive.
3) Make sure you have a belt before you run out to investigate reports of dragons.
4) (for villains only) Never let your mother have free run of your castle stronghold.
5) (for villains only) Never trust an ex-member of the king's guard claiming to slay the dragon who wishes he hadn't helped the king.
6) Never ask an evil king to release your father.
7) Never underestimate your aim.
8) Stand clear of mills.
9) Remember - dried-up hearts are evil.
10) If strange old men ask you to touch oriental objects, and you are a dragon, do not touch them, for you are being tested, and are obviously important to the future of humanity as it exists.
1) Repeat everything they say in Spanish.
2) Tell them, in another language, you don't speak English.
3) Tell them, in English, that you don't speak English.
4) Ask them if they know where their petunias are.
5) Ask them if they would be interested in buying your product.
6) Say you're allergic no matter what they are offering.
7) Pretend not to hear them and then hang up.
8) Blast death metal in the background and then ask them to call back another time saying that your friends are over and you're right in the middle of drinking each others' blood.
9) Cough loudly the entire time, then make a *thud* noise.
10) When they ask for Mr. and Mrs. so-and-so, ask them what their name is and if they have any kids and/or dogs.
11) Tell them the TV is set to explode in five minutes and hang up.
12) (touchtone phone only) Listen to the entire schpiel while playing the star-spangled-banner on the telephone keypad.
13) Listen to the entire schpiel and then say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I dozed off, could you repeat that?" Hang up half-way through the repeat.
14) Have someone pick up the extension and argue loudly about the necessity of the marketed product.
10) Floss
9) Cell phone
8) AM/FM radio
7) Spork
6) Can opener
5) Hair gel
4) Emergency numbers
3) Organ donor card
2) co[censored]ms
1) Tylenol
10) Evil stepmother
9) Hair-gel manufacturer
8) Aerobics instructer
7) God
6) The employees of the rehab institute
5) Cops involved in the drug bust
4) Menudo
3) Heaven's Gate
2) Barney
2) Allergy medication
1) The strange marks on the ceiling
10) Catfood taste tester
9) OJ's caddy
8) MIDI composer
7) Priest
6) Member of Menudo
5) Fireworks tester
4) President of the United States
3) Game Boy technical support
2) Victim
1) Ronald McDonald
10) He sends you a fruit basket when he misses your family reunion
9) He calls you at three AM to say that you're the closest thing he has to a friend
8) He wanders the streets at night staring blankly at the stars
7) He adds you to his AIM buddy list
6) He's fond of the poetry of Percy Shelley
6) He is in the opposite sex's clothes more than 75% of the time
4) He has appeared on Heraldo
3) Bunnies
2) He knows the Oscar Meyer Weiner song by heart
1) He is active in the FFA
10) Something in eye
9) Hangnail
8) Nasal fluid buildup
7) Earache
6) Swimmer's ear
5) Ingrown tonail
4) Dry eyes
3) Bitten tongue
2) Athlete's foot
1) Dandruff
10) It'll only hurt a minute...
9) Trust me...
8) Guaranteed never to wear, tear, rip, or ravel!
7) The product on TV is a bargain.
6) You'll learn to love it.
5) You'll learn to love him/her.
4) Ants don't sting.
3) The neighbors are perfectly normal people.
2) Mice are perfectly innocent.
1) You are in control.
10) Excuse me, but, um, are you a monster?
9) I'm sure it won't matter if I just...
8) What's this [orb/wand/pen/etc.] ?
7) I think I'm lost.
6) Everything is perfectly safe.
5) What's that? I'm gonna go find out!
4) Why is this happening?
3) That's just a legend...right?
2) Stay right here. Don't move, no matter what!
1) I'm just a normal teenager.
10) Blink repetitively and quickly while staring at them.
9) Hum very softly, sitting in the from row, and when they ask you to stop, say you weren't doing anything, then start humming a different song.
8) Tap your nails on the top of your desk.
7) Chomp your chewing gum (if allowed to have it) or bite your nails.
6) Shuffle your papers every time he writes the letter "a" or the number "7".
5) Cough loudly every time he/she speaks.
4) Whisper along with or repeat every phrase he/she says.
3) Sit in his or her seat, tell her you are the teacher and he/she is fired.
2) Rearrange his/her desk minutely and time how long until they fix your improvements.
1) Act like there is an atomic monster behind your teacher, pointing and acting until he/she turns to look, and then when they look at you all odd, shrug and ask, didn't they see that huge evil math formula (or whatever is conveniently on the board.)
1) This isn't the dawning of the age of Aquarius.
2) Don't ask unless you really want to know.
3) Don't go into chatrooms as food.
4) Never confuse your best friend's hair with shredded wheat.
5) Arm fulls of groceries and cats do not coexist well in any given time and space.
6) You can disown family. Unfortunately, noone's figured out a way to disown one's alternate personality yet.
7) Dirt isn't a nutritionally correct supplement for a balanced meal and shouldn't be used as one.
8) Don't stick it into the computer unless it was designed to go there.
9) Government plots aren't as fun as they seem on the surface.
10) It has those claws for a reason.
11) Don't trust anyone with perfectly white teeth.
12) Teasing rhinos isn't one of the safest of after school activities.
13) Noone is perfect, but most think they are.
14) If you find a strange old Tupperware container in the recesses of your closet or under your bed….put it back there and promptly bury it with dirty socks.
1) Never trust a man with a metal leg.
2) Just wait for a translator.
3) If Korbin is already on the ship, hitting stuff isn't going to help.
4) Don't leave the door open and the keys in the ignition.
5) Hotel bomb detectors are slow.
6) You shouldn't kiss strange alien women.
7) Listen to the priest.
8) It's not over 'til the thing is dead!
9) Don't trust people who wear snowcone lids for hats.
10) Roaches don't make very convenient spy devices.
11) "You have one point left on your license."
12) "It never rain every day."
13) Never jump from skyscrapers unless you are certain that Bruce Willis is driving a cab somewhere below.
14) Never spill a cop's Golden Menu in his lap.
15) Shoot the leader. Mangalores won't fight without the leader.
16) Mangalores are warriors, not merchants.
17) Sing behind a shield.
18) Put weapons scanners on pleasure cruises.
19) Never sit next to DJs. Many people already want to kill them.
20) Mangalores are merchants after all.
21) It helps to load the gun.
22) Priests can be devious.
23) Don't forget to feed the cat.
24) Even the president of a Galactic Federation is powerless next to the hero's nagging mother.