Today's Title: Existence and Life
Today's Date: 08/30/02
Time Entered and Time Zone: Started at 4:22 pm central time
Today's Mood: Contemplative, Peaceful, At Ease
Location: College
Environ: I am sitting in a chair in fron tof my computer, typing this on notepad, trying to figure out the format for this whole thing, since I plan to make this a new and permanant thing for my website. It is somewhat cold in here, but I can deal ok with cold as long as I am not sick and the cold isn't too intense. Kansas's latest album is playing over my computer's speakers, and MSN and the cable connection in general have just decided to screw up on me for the second time in two days. I have also just realized that I need to go back to the same building that I have been to twice already today. But that does not really bother me.
Entry:
I am beginning to wonder if existence and life constitute the same thing, when it comes to being human. Now, before you automatically say that, well, of course they don't, dead bodies exist, and that is human remains, and they aren't alive, so that is existence when it comes to humans and not life, let me explain myself a little more. I am using a specific definition of existence in this case when refering to human beings. When I use the term existence in this case, and only in this case, I use it merely as a word to describe carrying out the functions of life, going through a day to day routine, functioning with normal fight or flight, and using general survival instincts in life.
I suppose, then, that in this definition, life and existence are definately not the same thing. After all, life as I see it means embracing the world about you and going beyond just its functions. I know that I seem to make little since, but bare with me here. To truly live, one must transcend natural fight-light and survival instincts at some points. This is accomplished on the simplest of levels by building bonds of trust and by throwing away inhibitions that we build as we grow that cause us to be embarrassed when we play or do something that will give us joy and cause no harm to others, such as playing dolls or dancing.
While existing is merely the mechanics of life, living is both the mechanics and the reality: the part that we choose to allow to be express, or sometimes withhold. And when we withhold this reality, we often only have the mechanics, and cannot see why we are merely exhisting, and not living.
I seem to be seeing this more and more here in college, away from those things that have bound me so much to inhibitions and terror at my old home. I don't know why I wished to speak of that today in my little journal thing.
Anyway, now for my explaination about this entire thing. As you may have noticed, there is a title and date at the top of this page, as well as some other information, and I just called it a journal. Well, that is because that is what I intend it to be. This little page here is one of several little pages on my site that will be added about once a week (or when i get time) that will constitue a sort of online journal. The point of this is not vanity, but to discuss thoughts with people (please fill free to give feedback in e-mails. Let me know if I can post them and if I can, i will put them in the news section.) and to let people know what life is like in this part of the country. It will also serve to keep my friends and family at home up to date on what is happening here, and may deal with very sensitive subjects at times. I will probably talk about things that are going on in some of the things that I am involved in (few and far between as they are) and that are going on in my classes.
I hope to be able to update this section regularly, and input is greatly appreciated! ♥